I re-read something I’d written a few weeks ago in the midst of therapy and thought I’d share it here as well to remind both me and those of you reading that God’s Love is not dependent on our strength or what we do. Praying it blesses as you read it:
The Power of His Love
There is so much suffering, everywhere I look. My heart is heavy from it all and tears keep coming. So many I know are suffering or know of someone suffering. And I keep seeing Mum lying there with all her words taken and a limp and lifeless body, only her eyes still speaking of the life locked within.
I’ve spent days praying on the go, silent prayers as I do the dishes, feed the kids, sit at the kitchen table reading my Bible with the kids placed before the TV for a quiet moment alone. And somehow they don’t feel like they count the same as other prayers and I’ve felt disappointed in myself. I keep apologizing to God in my head for not being enough. For not being good enough to get up early enough to be alone with Him. For being short with the kids. For feeling too tired to do this or that. For being lazy.
But then I sat at the playground watching the kids play and I saw a man run by with a walker. Another man asked him if he was running a marathon. And I recognized him as the man I’d felt led to speak to in the park I was running through: the same man who had been dishevelled, unkempt and downtrodden. The man God called me to tell him that He loves him, that He sees His struggle in life and that He loves Him so very much. And here he was energized, full of life and beautiful, beautifully dressed and happy. And sitting here tonight it made me realize the power of His love and that it is not dependent on us and in fact blesses more deeply the less we become. The more broken we are, the less we are able to do, just like that man with the walker, the more powerful His love shines.
And so it’s not my works He’s after. He is calling me to stop being afraid that I won’t be enough. He’s reminding me that He’s the One who has called me, that He is the One who is leading me, that He is the author and perfecter of my faith:
John 6: 43 – 46
Jesus said, “Don’t bicker among yourselves over me. You’re not in charge here. The Father who sent me is in charge. He draws people to me – that’s the only way you’ll ever come. Only then do I do my work, putting people together, setting them on their feet, ready for the End. This is what the prophets meant when they wrote, ‘And then they will all be personally taught by God.’ Anyone who has spent any time at all listening to the Father, really listening and therefore learning, comes to me to be taught personally- to see it with his own eyes, hear it with his own ears, from me, since I have it firsthand from the Father. No one has seen the Father except the One who has his Being alongside the Father- and you can see me.”
And as I continue reading through the Old Testament in Numbers, I am reminded of all the ways God’s people did not live up, failed miserably, moaned, grumbled, failed to trust despite all He had done and showed them. But each time He’d ultimately lay His anger aside to bless, to keep His Covenant commitment of peace with His people. And my eyes are opened to how He listens to His children pleading for mercy when they do not deserve it and how He chooses to exchange harsh punishment, for gracious discipline.
And, so I pray that God would continue to open my eyes to His love for me and that this love within me would spill out into the lives of others around me. Lord, help me to “Pursue the things over which Christ presides.” Help me not to “shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of” me, but rather to “Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ”, “where the action is.” Help me to “See things from his perspective.” (Colossians 3: 1-2)
If people can’t see what God is doing,
they stumble all over themselves,
But when they attend to what He reveals,
they are most blessed.
Darrell Evans \ Trading My Sorrows
I’m trading my sorrow
I’m trading my shame
I’m laying it down for the joy of the LordI’m trading my sickness
I’m trading my pain
I’m laying it down for the joy of the Lord
And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord AmenI’m pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I’m blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy’s gonna be my strengthThough the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning