Loyal: He’s Holding You Tight

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Excuse my longer than five minutes post today…my heart was taken where it was called today:

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Daniel 6: 23 (NIV)

 The king was overjoyed and gave orders to lift Daniel out of the den. And when Daniel was lifted from the den, no wound was found on him, because he had trusted (Hebrew root- bittachon: to lean on, feel safe or secure, be confident- John J. Parsons, Hebrew for Christians) in his God.

I always assumed that when God told us not to fear that meant we didn’t truly trust Him, if we feared. And yet, God tells us that perfect love DRIVES [not “has driven”] out all fear. Why would He tell us it “drives [it] out” and why even bother telling us not to fear?

In February, 2015 I began to experience my first attacks of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which would plague me until healing came, by the amazing and miraculous power of God. The attacks would begin with flashbacks of my mother’s last day, of her body breaking and being sucked of all life from the ravages of cancer, and as those moving pictures, sounds and smells took hold of me, trapping me in that moment I felt everything slip through my fingers, I was almost immediately hit with an incredible wave of emotion: fear being the strongest of the lot, a fear attached to powerful lies that told me the only way out of the incredible pain, grief and helplessness was to end my life. It felt as if someone had strapped me into a frightening roller coaster and wouldn’t let me out, no matter how hard I screamed.

And yet, within minutes the attacks would subside and my rational and logical brain would return to its senses and I was left feeling ashamed and embarrassed of the desperation and suicidal thoughts that had only just plagued me. And this repeated itself through each and every day, sometimes I even got as close as opening a window to jump, or standing on our first floor balcony longingly looking below and several times I plotted how I could best take my life to make it as painless as possible for those I loved. And yet, I didn’t.

Each and every day, I tuned into Kari Jobe worship songs, You are not alone on repeat. And I had this Scripture on my fridge and repeatedly read it, over and over and over and over and over again.

Romans 8: 38 – 39 (NIV)

38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a]neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Footnotes:

  1. Romans 8:38 Or nor heavenly rulers

Everything in me told me to jump, and yet NO WOUND WAS FOUND ON ME. The open mouths of the lions were REPEATEDLY shut. How? Why?

Psalm 62: 7 (NIV)

On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.

Each and every time I turned to my Rock. In each of those moments before I turned to Him, I was NOT strong, I did NOT feel safe, I did NOT feel confident in God, I did NOT feel secure, I did NOT feel like I had anyone or anything to lean on, even God. And yet, I CHOSE (clothed in the amazing power of my God) as an act of will to “lean on, feel confident or secure, be confident in” my God, as I kept repeating His Truths back to myself through worship music and Romans 8: 38 – 39.

He became the Rock of my strength as I kept turning in trust (not feeling) to Him. My emotions continued to lie to me, but His Word tethered me and reminded me to keep making decision after decision to “lean on, feel safe or secure [and] be confident in” Him, even though I didn’t feel as if I could.

NO HARM WAS DONE even though my emotions repeatedly mirrored a lack of trust at their core. Why?

John 10: 10 (NIV)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Were my emotions as a beloved child of God pouring in life, abundant, full life? NO! The enemy of my soul was in pursuit:

Ephesians 6: 12 (NIV)

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

But as a child of God, covered by the blood of the lamb, the enemy of my soul had His angry, evil, prowling mouth shut tight and NO HARM WAS DONE. My feet were planted upon the Rock, as friends near and far waged war in prayer and Scriptural truths in the Name and calling of their LORD and Savior. As they trusted, chose to “lean on, feel safe or secure [and], to be confident” in their God, often despite their own feelings of helplessness and fear, Jesus in and through them, held me tight. The Rock of their souls, the rock of my soul, the rock of your too.

Dear, dear Reader. Don’t ever believe the lies of the Enemy. You are beloved, worthy, beautiful, treasured, whole, upright and complete in Him, the Rock of Your Salvation. He’s holding you tight, even now, as each and every emotion pulsing through you tells you otherwise. You offered Him your life, He’s accepted it, fully and wholly by the blood of the Lamb. And in His safe and secure arms, He will carry you close to His breaking heart for you, and NO WOUND WILL BE FOUND on you.

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This amazing Promise that He spoke into me as I angrily dared Him to show me life was worth living one dark, dark night, and opened my Bible, is a promise to each and every one of us, His beloved children, who have given and even right now for the first time, give their hearts to Him:

John 6: 35 – 40 (MSG)

35-38 Jesus said, “I am the Bread of Life. The person who aligns with me hungers no more and thirsts no more, ever. I have told you this explicitly because even though you have seen me in action, you don’t really believe me. Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go. I came down from heaven not to follow my own whim but to accomplish the will of the One who sent me.

39-40 “This, in a nutshell, is that will: that everything handed over to me by the Father be completed—not a single detail missed—and at the wrap-up of time I have everything and everyone put together, upright and whole. This is what my Father wants: that anyone who sees the Son and trusts who he is and what he does and then aligns with him will enter real life, eternal life. My part is to put them on their feet alive and whole at the completion of time.”

Loyal. He’s loyal to the VERY END. He’s GOT YOU!!!

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We are NO LONGER SLAVES, but beloved children of God. Listen to these beautiful truths and soak in them, let them tether and soothe you: No Longer Slaves, Bethel Music.

PLEASE NOTE: if you have lost someone to suicide, I firmly believe John 6: 35 – 40 applies to them too. They are safe in His arms, if they have given Christ their hearts. The enemy of their souls cannot do them any harm, for they rest safely and securely in the arms of their mighty Heavenly Father.

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14 thoughts on “Loyal: He’s Holding You Tight

  1. Oh Anna! I know that you are not perfect and you are continually being worked on just like every single one of us but you spoke truth! Everything you said is exactly what God has been pressing on my heart this week. I am going to hold onto that idea that even though I am fearful but when I go to Him, He is going to do the rest even if I don’t feel completely at peace. Does that make sense? It is all Him! How I change, what happens in my life, it is all Him and I have to rest in Him and allow Him to do it as I rest in His loving arms. Thank you dear Anna for your encouraging words.

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    1. It makes perfect sense, Kristina. I can also tell you that the enemy has always attacked me the most right before God has brought amazing freedom, as He’s encouraged me to step INTO fear, clothed in the protection of His Word…so I step on the path the enemy is trying to stop me from! Your emotions are his ploy to throw you off, but you are safe in His Truth xxxx Hugs. Thank you for all your love and support too xxx

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  2. This is beautiful, Anna. I’m sorry you had to go through such trauma but I love how you’ve seen God’s loyalty and faithfulness through it all. Our emotions can be so deceptive sometimes- we definitely have to learn not to rely on them but on the truth of God’s Word. I love the promises you highlight here, and “No Longer Slaves” is one of my favourite songs.

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    1. Yes, it’s His Truth alone that sets us free. It’s only in the last few weeks I’m coming to see what I’ve never truly seen or understood before in this and it’s such a powerful insight He’s given me: that this is a spiritual war and that where my emotions try to trap me, the enemy is at work trying to prevent me from greater freedom and restoration. It’s a powerful song, isn’t it?! The first time I heard it I couldn’t stop crying. Thanks for visiting, Lesley.

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  3. Thank you for sharing these beautiful truths! I have been reading your book, and soaking in the Scriptures that the Lord walked you through, so this was perfect timing for me. This thought touched me so much: “But as a child of God, covered by the blood of the lamb, the enemy of my soul had His angry, evil, prowling mouth shut tight and NO HARM WAS DONE.” Truly, we are kept secure, whatever storm surrounds us! Another friend forwarded the link for this song to me last week, and I know that the Lord wanted me to hear it again tonight. –Blessings to you!

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    1. It fills me with joy to hear that God is blessing and encouraging you through the words He has gifted me. Thank you for letting me know: you’re an encouragement to me! And that song is SO good.

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  4. Even though the struggle you had is heart-breaking, the words of hope ring throughout. His word really is a saviour, a tool that speaks directly to hold us when the storms are rolling. Thanks Anna for your vulnerability that gives hope too.

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    1. Yes, it is, Lynn. I love that as I later came to study the psychology of PTSD I see even more how God worked behind the scenes to hem me in from before and behind. He had a number of truth-speakers, who placed a net underneath me and around me, who processed and made rational decisions for me when the processing faculty was shut down in my brain due to shock and trauma. God is SO incredibly powerful.

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  5. Anna,
    God is growing you and stretching you. How amazing and beautiful your hard is making you. He’s making you mare and mors like Himself. Being vulnerable is not easy, but ut is good. So many are going to benefit from your deep sharing. Inwas touched by the beauty of this post. Thank you my friend.

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