A Soothing Voice (Day 5)

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This is the fifth post for our Write 31 Days series 31 Days of Miracles: Who is Our God. Today, Trudy den Hoed shares her story (see below for her bio).

So often when I look back, it’s the bad times that first come to my mind, but I’m trying to view them instead through the lens of God’s goodness and deliverance. And yet it’s when we really remember how dark those days were that we can see how much deeper God’s love and grace are.

In 2013, something broke inside of me and I slipped into a deep depression. I wrote that November:

Some months ago one judgmental remark from someone put me into a tailspin and brought me face to face with painful memories of past abuse. At first I disassociated from my feelings. I didn’t want to feel at all, because it hurt too much. I continued on in life like a robot. But I became more and more depressed until one day something inside me broke. I sobbed and cried, “I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so sick of being strongdrowning for everyone around me…”

It was like I was sinking deeper and deeper into a sea of turmoil, gulping up water. In my mind Jesus was standing above the surface looking down at me and shaking his head. “Hopeless case, that one…” I felt so forsaken of God. His promises seemed bogus, and I could not grasp a single one.

The weight of depression stomped me down, down, down…

Roaring In
Shame-slapping Scowls
Stormy Emotions
Stomping Down
Sinking Me

I couldn’t have made it that dark day without the grace of God. By the end of the day my heart was still heavy, but the care and compassion loved ones gave me lifted me up to see a pinpoint of hope. And the next day, God had a pleasant surprise for me.

“I will give thanks and praise the Lord, with all my heart;
I will tell aloud all Your wonders and marvelous deeds.”
Psalm 9:1

My husband suggested I take my writing pad and go to the Falls. He knew nature often relaxes and comforts me. It helps me to remember God still has all things in His control. I sat on a rock and watched the water rush over the red rock formations. I let the sound of it sooth my weary soul. I imagined the wind as the breath of God kissing my face and telling me I will make it through this.

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When I walked along the paths and around the Art Barn, I stopped in awe. There in front of me written in chalk down the front of the steps was a message that still impacts me today. “I will love you every step of the way. ♥” I knew it was God speaking directly to my despairing heart.

love

Then I remembered a song – “Steady My Heart” by Kari Jobe.

“Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy?
Why is pain a part of us?
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You’re here
You’re real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it’s hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
‘Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart.”

Sometimes God sends the greatest comforts out of the deepest valleys, doesn’t He? My heart still felt wounded, but I knew I could run to Jesus and He would pull me up again out of the pit and set my feet upon the Rock.

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“He reached down and drew me from the deep,
dark hole where I was stranded,
mired in the muck and clay.
With a gentle hand, He pulled me out
To set me down safely on a warm rock;
He held me until I was steady enough
to continue the journey again.”
Psalm 40:2 Voice

Remember! You are so special to God! You have been created uniquely for a special purpose only you can fill. Jesus loves you so much that He sacrificed His life for you. His arms are wide open with welcome, longing for you to run into them. Yes, life can be messy. Yes, it can hurt so much and be so hard. But He cares about broken hearts and delights to heal them.

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Trudy den Hoed

I can’t live without Jesus, and my passion is to be more like Him. Other than Him, my priorities are towards my family and hurting souls.
Twitter – @TrudyDenHoed
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14 thoughts on “A Soothing Voice (Day 5)

  1. I really needed this today, especially, “But he cares about broken hearts and delights to heal them.” Thank you for sharing, Trudy. Gives me hope for God to lift me out of my depression. ❤️

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    1. Trudy asked me to reply for her because my site doesn’t seem to want to allow her. This is what she says:

      I’m so glad God gave you hope, Julia. Depression is so hard, isn’t it? I don’t know what we would do without God who cares about our broken hearts. And isn’t it amazing that He is not only willing to heal us, but He even delights in it. 🙂 Praying God will lift you up and carry you through! Hugs!

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      1. Yes, depression is very hard, but I’m thankful God doesn’t let go even when you think he has. Thank you for the prayer and the hug! I needed it today so much. ❤️ bless you. 🙂

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  2. This is beautiful, Trudy. I love how God revealed himself to you and let you know he saw you and he cared. I know I’ve read this story before but it still blesses me to read it again.

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    1. Trudy would like to reply with this:
      Thank you, Debbie. Yes, how true that we see signs in the ordinary when we seek Him. It’s hard to look to Him when we are depressed, but He is so gracious and opens our eyes to the signs of His love. Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t know why my replies to each of you aren’t going through, so I’ll try it this way.

    I’m so glad God gave you hope, Julia. Depression is so hard, isn’t it? I don’t know what we would do without God who cares about our broken hearts. And isn’t it amazing that He is not only willing to heal us, but He even delights in it. 🙂 Praying God will lift you up and carry you through! Hugs!

    Lesley, I’m so grateful you were again blessed by this story. Hugs!

    Thank you, Debbie. Yes, how true that we see signs in the ordinary when we seek Him. It’s hard to look to Him when we are depressed, but He is so gracious and opens our eyes to the signs of His love. Hugs!

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  4. I’m so glad God gave you hope, Julia. Depression is so hard, isn’t it? I don’t know what we would do without God who cares about our broken hearts. And isn’t it amazing that He is not only willing to heal us, but He even delights in it. 🙂 Praying God will lift you up and carry you through! Hugs!

    Lesley, I’m so grateful you were again blessed by this story. Hugs!

    Thank you, Debbie. Yes, how true that we see signs in the ordinary when we seek Him. It’s hard to look to Him when we are depressed, but He is so gracious and opens our eyes to the signs of His love. Hugs!

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  5. Oh thank you Anna and Debbie for sharing the story of another dear blogging friend! And thank you Trudy, for being open to share about such deep hurts in your life. I love this story of how God was so specific with the miracle He gave you–giving just the right word at just the right time! You are all bringing encouragement to me to keep watching and waiting for God’s miracles here, in the valley of my life too. He is so faithful! –Blessings to you all!

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    1. Yes, He is always faithful, Lynn. Sometimes at the time of deep troubles, we can’t see it, but in hindsight it’s so evident, isn’t it? I love that song. I’m so glad it helped you through a break up years ago. That must have been so hard.

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  6. Thanks always for your transparency Trudy! And your husband gave you very wise advise. And that message on the steps! Wow…just wow! Keri’s Jobes song helped me through a relationship break up a few years ago, when I cried out constantly for Him to steady my broken heart. And He did, as He is always faithful isn’t He?

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  7. Trudy, this is such a hope filled post! God really does reach down and rescue us out of the muck and mire, lifting us out of any pit we may have fallen into. These words find an answering “Amen!” in my soul: “Sometimes God sends the greatest comforts out of the deepest valleys, doesn’t He?” You and I both know how scarred we can be from a painful past, but it is beautiful to behold the way we begin to get healed and set free when we succumb to God’s goodness and grace. You have such a tender heart for hurting souls because you know how deep those pits and valleys can be and how long it can take to learn to live like an overcomer. Blessed by your testimony, my friend. Hugs! 💜

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