This is the 26th post for our Write 31 Days series 31 Days of Miracles: Who is Our God. Today, Kathy Marcolin (see below for her bio) shares her story.
Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”
My life has been many seasons of deeper longing for God to reveal Himself to me in ways beyond my scope of understanding. From the time I first believed at the early age of 6, I knew God was the one whom I owed all for the priceless gift of salvation. I feared Him, I worshiped Him and I longed to know Him more. Yet, as a teenager, I struggled to find my identity in Christ. I was constantly driven to earthly successes academically, and I learned early on that in my self-inadequacies I could earn praise for the honors I achieved. And I grew to rely on these for self-worth and happiness. I yearned for adulthood prematurely.
At 18, I married a new believer I met in my sister’s church. 10 years older than myself, he was more than ready for marriage and so merely 4 months into the relationship I married.
If you asked me if it was God’s will, I would adamantly say, “absolutely”. After all, wasn’t my primary role as a woman to be married, have children and be a worker at home?! I threw all of my self into being the best homemaker I knew possible. I yearned for a large family and a happy, loving marriage. I devoted myself to making my husband love me at any cost. Our marriage, initially established within the church walls, soon drifted world’s apart.
Promptly nine months into my marriage, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby imagined. Amber Elisabeth was instantly my joy and happiness. Nothing made me happier than giving all my affections to her. I went from teenager, to wife, and mother before I fully realized what I’d committed to.
But the large family I so deeply desired never came to fruition. Through ongoing efforts and long-suffering, I waited 9 years before I would again be pregnant. I was elated. My family shared in my joy. My daughter anticipated growing up with a sibling. But, I did not feel right physically from the start of conception. Nearly eight weeks into the pregnancy, and several weeks of excruciating pain like none I’ve ever felt before and never to this day, I lost this precious baby to an ectopic, or tubal pregnancy. My world at this point began to cave in on me.
What I’d thrown all of hopes and dreams into was destroying what joy I had. My greatest passion was motherhood. I found myself barely functioning. By outward appearances, I seemed successful as I threw myself into growing my husband’s new business. It gave me self-worth to see him succeed financially.
Three years after the tubal pregnancy, I was ecstatic beyond words to learn we were pregnant again, this time with a baby boy. These were the most joyous nine months that I carried little Benjamin Levi. This, I was certain, would restore my joy. All seemed perfect until mid-day June 21, 1999 (the longest day of the year and of my entire life), when again my little world came crushing in on me!
My beloved son was born with Trisomy 18. He was resuscitated upon birth and kept alive for 6 additional days. When doctors give you that look, with tear-filled eyes, you instantly know your hope is gone. It literally feels like a dagger to your heart. I went into a state of numbness for nearly 3 months, in a state of total emotional shutdown. I remember very little. My daughter carried her own deep pain through all of this. My husband threw himself deeper into his work, friends and lifestyle.
Never have I felt so alone.
Ten years later I was suffering sporadic episodes of intense unexplained pain. While residing in Northwest Florida, we made several trips to Orlando seeking direction in re-establishing our business. On our last trip there, I began hemorrhaging profusely, nearly passing out. I was weak and scared. Upon return to our home in Santa Rosa Beach, I checked myself into the hospital and soon learned I had several fibroid tumors, one especially large that was causing the excessive bleeding and discomfort. With no insurance, I felt helpless to the situation and was relieved each time the symptoms would subside, generally weeks later.
Shortly after, we returned to Arizona, upon the news our daughter, now married, would soon be giving birth to my first grandchild. My joy returned in experiencing the love I once had with my own daughter. In August 2010, I went to a Hebraic Messianic service, not fully understanding what was coming next. During this time, I again began experiencing the same health condition, but to a lesser degree. The tumor remained but symptoms were unstable.
As I remember it like it was yesterday, I was in an intense state of worship this Erev Shabbat service (healing service).
During that year, which I’ve come to identify as my Spiritual Awakening, I literally came to the end of self, in total surrender, and cried out to the Lord. I wanted more of Him.
This season in my life found me digging into His Word and the Scriptures came alive in a way I’d never known before.
I had received the baptism of the Holy Spirit and from that time, nothing was the same. My intense passion for the Lord created joy I can’t begin to put into words.
That night during the healing service, I recall Rabbi Picker calling those of us needing healing forward, and I stepped across the line, from doubt to confident faith in the God I’d come to know in a deeper way. The Scripture, Jeremiah 11:13, is how I best describe this season. “When you seek me with ALL of your heart, you will find Me.” I knew the Lord had touched me and spontaneously felt the warmth and peace that the tumor was gone.
I recall my eyes connecting with the rabbi and elder, with sheer joy and excitement in that exact moment. I was anxious to schedule a follow up with my doctor. He ordered another ultra-sound, per my insistence. Just weeks later it was confirmed medically that the tumor and surrounding fibroids were completely gone. I had it now, the proof from both medical facilities.
From that day forward, I have not operated as before. Jehovah Rophe,
the Healer, made Himself real to me, and because I’ve been given much, much is required. To God be ALL the glory.
From the previous years of deep emotional and physical pain, God worked things for my good. What the enemy meant for evil, God has used me to testify of His goodness. Countless lives He has connected me with to minister love and healing in their similar struggles. He will never leave you, nor forsake you. He is faithful. Once you’ve tasted, the goodness of the Lord you can’t go back. He birthed a passion deep within my soul for people-longing to see salvation, deliverance and healing in Jesus’ name.
Kathy Marcolin is a patient care coordinator in Orthopedic Specialty with Providence Medical Group in Spokane, Washington. She enjoys running, hiking, spending precious time with friends and family. She is a grandmother to Summer Alexis, and twin boys Joseph William and Benjamin Lucas. But her greatest passion is serving Christ and she gets excited when she thinks back on all God has done for her, and wants to do in the lives of those she comes in contact with.
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